Every year since 1990, The Simpsons has aired a Halloween episode each October (and for about a decade in early November-thank World Series). The writers abandon all realism in favor of scares and laughs. Here’s what I believe are the best segments from all the Treehouse series. I only chose one segment from each special because I would be writing forever if I reviewed each segment. However, I will include memorable quotes and visual gags from most segments in order of airing.
Let’s get this started! Halloween is winding down!
Treehouse of Horror I
The first Treehouse of Horror and the only one to be set in the treehouse. In this installment, Bart and Lisa try to outdo each other with scary stories with Homer listening below.
Segments
Best Segment
James Earl Jones (who voices a mover and a narrates Poe’s famous poem with Homer as the man tormented by a raven who looks like Bart. Would you believe this segment caused students to become interested in Poe’s work?
Quotes
Evil Spirit: They are all against you, Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die.
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Evil Spirit: I… Yes, I am.
Homer: Mr. Ploot, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn’t tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground! No, you didn’t! Well, that’s not my recollection! Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye!
Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.
Lisa: It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can’t help but feel a little rejected.
Marge: Well, thank you very much, Mr.—
Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
Homer: Listen, you big, stupid space creature, nobody, but nobody, eats the Simpsons!
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror II
Lisa, Bart and Homer have nightmares after eating too much candy on Halloween. The titles of each segment are The Monkey’s Paw (Lisa’s nightmare), The Bart Zone (Bart’s Nightmare), and If I Only had a Brain (Homer’s nightmare).
Segments
Best Segment
Based off a Twilight Zone episode “It’s a Good Life”, Bart has the ability to bend reality with his mind, read someone’s mind, and can turn anyone who says anything bad about him into anything he wants. It’s filled with a lot of great gags and has a hilarious ending that makes sense in 10-year-old Bart’s mind.
Quotes
Marge: Homer, where’d you get the monkey’s paw?
Homer: I got it from the stand…over..there. (points to an empty space. A gust of wind is blowing sand around)
Homer: Oh, wait. It’s over there.
Merchant: You will be sorry.
Homer: I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and… I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)… Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry… THE TURKEY’S A LITTLE DRY!!!
Kang: That board with a nail in it may have defeated us, but the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards and bigger nails. Soon they’ll make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all!
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart’s answers on yesterday’s test. America was now discovered in 1942 by… ”some guy.” And our country isn’t called America any more. It’s Bonerland.
Football announcer: The kick is up…it’s looking good…The ball is turning into a fat bald guy! (f) And it’s no good, and you know what we say every time something strange happens, it’s good that Bart did that, it’s very good!
Krusty: Well, we’re still on. 346 consecutive hours. And all because of one little boy who…WHO WON’T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let’s go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!
Audience: YAY!
Mr. Burns: Have trouble breathing… organs leaking vital fluids… Smithers… I am going to die.
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror III
The Simpsons host a Halloween party for Bart and Lisa’s friends. After Homer eats a Halloween activity, Lisa, Abe, and Bart tell scary stories to the group.
Segments
Best Segment
This was a tough one for me, but by a hair, I chose Treehouse III’s final segment as it has a better overall story. The first segment is extremely quotable and introduced the world to frogurt.
Quotes
(Bart opens Grampa’s gift, a box of cash)
Marge: Where’d you get all the money?
Grampa: The government. I didn’t earn it, I don’t need it, but if they miss one payment I’ll raise hell.
Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to trade… We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call “frogurt”.
Homer: Yeah, well I need something for my son’s birthday.
Shopkeeper: Ah… Perhaps this will please the gentleman…
(The shopkeeper reaches the shelf and takes the Krusty doll.)
Shopkeeper: Take this object… But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that’s bad…
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That’s bad…
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
(Homer stares at the shopkeeper.)
Shopkeeper: That’s bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
Grampa: That doll is evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Grampa:I just want attention.
Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
Homer: The doll’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughin’ at me!
Repairman: Yep, here’s your problem. Someone set this thing to “Evil.”
Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don’t mix.
Burns: We know what you think.
Carl: Hey, I heard we’re goin’ to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they’re not so big.
Bart: Nice try, Mr. Flanders. But I’ve got a story so scary you’ll wet your pants!
Grampa: Too late.
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car’s okay?
Lisa and Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
Bart: Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
Homer: [while attacking the zombies] Take that, Washington! Eat lead, Einstein! Show’s over, Shakespeare!
Shakespeare: Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror IV
Bart hosts this year’s installment, but Marge and Maggie keep interrupting him as he tries to introduce the three segments. This is one of the best overall Halloween episodes, along with the next installment.
Segments
Best Segment
I’m going with the middle segment because this one scared the crap out of me as a child. Something about that gremlin just freaks me out.
Quotes
Homer: Flanders?! You’re the devil?!
Devil Flanders: It’s always the one you least expect.
Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for–(Homer has already scarfed all but a small crumb of the donut)
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don’t finish this last bite, you don’t get my soul, do you?
Devil Flanders: Uh, technically no, but–
Homer: (singing) I’m smarter than the Devil. I’m smarter than the Dev–(Flanders turns into a huge demon)
Devil Flanders: YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN THE DEVIL! I’ll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson!
Bart: I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.
Skinner: Hello, Simpson. I’m riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
Homer: It sure was nice of Mr. Burns to invite us for a midnight dinner at his country house in…Pennsylvania!
Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead!
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Vampire Burns: Oh son of a bi–
Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you before not to bite your sister? Hey, wait a minute! You are a vampire!
Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How did you know he’s a vampire?
Grampa: He’s a vampire? (runs off screaming)
Marge: Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he’s drinking people’s blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror V
This is arguably the best Treehouse of Horror ever. After critics blasted the show for being too scary, the show decided to up the ante. Groundskeeper Willie gets an ax in the back three times.
Segments
Best Segment
This is considered the best Halloween short in Treehouse history. It is very scary and hysterical. No TV and no beer would make Homer go crazy. Also, the ending has freaked me out for years.
Quotes
Marge: Oh my! It seems the show is so scary that Congress won’t even let us show it. Instead they suggested the 1947 classic Glenn Ford movie, “200 Miles to Oregon”. (not a real movie)
Burns: Hmmmm… that’s odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor.
Burns: Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter’s work out of those low-lifes.
Smithers: Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?
Burns: Hmm… perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone’s slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Willie: Boy…you read my thoughts! You’ve got the Shinning.
Bart: You mean “Shining”.
Willie: Shh! You want to get sued?
Marge: You stay here until you’re no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight.
Moe: Homer? It’s Moe. Listen, some of the other ghouls and I are a little concerned the project isn’t moving forward.
Homer: Can’t murder now. Eating.
Homer: (Homer chops into a room) Heeeere’s Johnny!(camera pulls back to reveal empty room)D’oh!
(chops into another room)
Homer: Daaaaavid Letterman!
Grampa: Hi David, I’m Grampa.Homer: D’oh!
(chops down another door)
Homer: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I’m Mike Wallace, I’m Morley Safer, and I’m Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on “60 Minutes”!
Family: AAAAHHH!!!
Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret Lover.
Homer: Wow. I’m the first non-Brazilian person to travel backwards through time
Homer: I’ve gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren’t just confined to zoos! OK, don’t panic; remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day.
Grampa: If you ever travel back in time, don’t step on anything, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can’t imagine.
Homer: Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan… whoo hoo! I hit the jackpot. Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What’s a donut?( Homer screams and runs downstairs and disappears back into time; outside the window, donuts start falling from the sky)
Marge: Hmm… it’s raining again.
Maggie: This is indeed a disturbing universe.
Skinner: A powder keg of unacceptable behavior.
Jimbo: It’s hard to scrub this giant pot from the inside when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me.
Willie: Ugh, I’m bad at this.
Skinner: I’m going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes… I believe I’ll start as you’ve so often suggested by eating your shorts…
Homer: Stupid cheap weather stripping!
Simpson Family (& Willie) singing: The family dog is eyeing Bart’s intestine!
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror VI
Segments
Best Segment
Another segment that scared me as a kid. Willie is the perfect Freddy Krueger and we were introduced to the month of Smarch.
Quotes
Homer: I paid for a colossal doughnut, and I’m gonna get a colossal doughnut!
Chief Wiggum: (after he shot what he thought was a monster) Eh, they’re not so tough.
Lou: Um… Chief, that wasn’t a monster; that was the captain of the high school basketball team.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, yeah… Well, he was turning into a monster… Yeah.
Skinner: Wheel him out quietly. It’s best the children don’t see. (Sheet falls to reveal Martin’s dead body).
Kids: AAAAAHHHH!!!
Skinner: Just get him out of here! Not into the kindergarten!
Kindergarteners: AAAAAHHHH!!!
Homer: Oh, lousy Smarch weather.
Groundskeeper Willie: (looking like a skeleton) You’ll pay for this…with your children’s blood!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, right. How are you going to get them? Skeleton power?
Groundskeeper Willie: I’ll strike where you cannot protect them… in their dreams!
Homer: Hello? Can anybody hear me?
Marge: Homer, where are you?
Homer: I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!
Marge: Do you see towels? If you see towels, you’re probably in the linen closet again.
Homer: Just a second! … No
Chief Wiggum: Take that, you lousy dimension!
Visual Gags
Treehouse of Horror VII
Segments
Best Segment
This segment is still relevant today. All you have to do is switch out the names of the candidates.
Quotes
Dr. Hibbert: But what to do about poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boy’s Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town! The child was an outcast! So, we did the only humane thing.
Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
Marge: It’s saved our marriage.
Bart: You’re crazy!
Hugo: Am I? Well, perhaps we’re all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart, but I’ll be sane… once I sew us back together.
Bart: But you’ll kill both of us.
Hugo: No, it’s easy. Look, I’ve been practicing: I made a pigeon-rat.
Dr. Hibbert: That means the evil twin is and always has been…Bart. (They all turn around and stare at Bart.)
Bart: Oh, don’t look so shocked.
Lisa: I’ve created Lutherans!
Kang: Abortions for all!
Crowd: Boo!!!!
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: Boo!!!!
Kang: Abortions for some! Miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: Yay!!!!!
Kang: It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed! DOOMED!
Kodos: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Kodos: It’s a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!
Man: He’s right, this is a two-party system.
Man 2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.
Homer: Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.
Visual Gags
Mariah's Musings 