BORN IN 1918

Some of biggest actors, directors, screenwriters, and others were born 100 years ago.  They range from the first Blake Carrington, “The Love Goddess,” Ed Norton, a member of the Rat Pack, a pioneering film director, one of Disney’s first stars, and the last surviving star of the silent era.

 

JOHN FORSYTHE (JANUARY 29)

A stage, film, and television actor whose career spanned six decades and is best known as Blake Carrington and the voice of “Charlie.”

Birth Name: John or Jacob (sources differ) Lincoln Freund

Died: April 1, 2010 (age 92)

Notable Works: Destination Tokyo (1943); The Trouble with Harry (1955); The Ambassador’s Daughter (1956); Bachelor Father (1957-1962); In Cold Blood (1967); Topaz (1969); Charlie’s Angels (1976-1981); …And Justice for All (1979); Dynasty (1981-89); Charlie’s Angels (2000)


JOEY BISHOP (FEBRUARY 3)

An entertainer who was the last living member of the “Rat Pack.”

Birth Name: Joseph Abraham Gottlieb

Died: October 17, 2007 (age 89)

Notable Works: The Naked and the Dead (1958); Ocean’s 11 (1960); The Joey Bishop Show (1961-65); The Delta Force (1986)


IDA LUPINO (FEBRUARY 4)

An actress turned pioneering film director who was the first woman to direct a film-noir.

Died: August 3, 1995 (age 77)

Notable Works: Peter Ibbetson (1935); The Light That Failed (1939); They Drive By Night (1940); High Sierra (1941); The Hard Way (1943); Outrage (1950-director); On Dangerous Ground (1952); The Bigamist (1953-also as director); The Big Knife (1955)


PATTY ANDREWS (FEBRUARY 16)

The youngest member of a trio of sisters who sang during the swing and boogie-woogie era.

Died: January 13, 2013 (age 94)

Notable Works: Buck Privates (1941); Hold That Ghost (1942); Follow the Boys (1944); Make Mine Music (1946); Road to Rio (1947)


FAY MCKENZIE (FEBRUARY 19)

Leading lady of five films starring cowboy-singer Gene Autry.  Will celebrate centennial on February 19.

Birth Name: Eunice Fay McKenzie


JAMES EDWARDS (MARCH 6)

African-American actor who played a variety of soldiers.

Died: January 4, 1970 (age 51)

Notable Works: The Set-Up (1949); Home of the Brave (1949); Bright Victory (1951); The Member of the Wedding (1952); The Joe Louis Story (1953); The Phenix City Story (1955); The Manchurian Candidate (1962); Patton (1970)


MARGUERITE CHAPMAN (MARCH 6)

Actress who starred with Fred McMurray and Natalie Wood in the 1940s.

Died: August 31, 1999 (age 81)

Notable Works: A Girl, a Guy, and a Gob (1941); Spy Smasher (1942 serial); Pardon My Past (1945); The Green Promise (1947)


JOHN MCCALLUM (MARCH 14)

Australian actor who had great success in British cinema and later became a television producer.

Died: February 3, 2010 (age 91)

Notable Works: The Loves of Joanna Godden (1947); The Root of All Evil (1947); It Always Rains on Sunday (1947); Miranda (1948); The Magic Box (1951); Trent’s Last Case (1952)


PEARL BAILEY (MARCH 29)

A singer and actress who won a Tony award in 1968.

Died: August 17, 1990 (age 72)

Notable Works: Carmen Jones (1954); That Old Feeling (1956); St. Louis Blues (1958); Porgy and Bess (1959); The Landlord (1970)


MARY ANDERSON (APRIL 3)

Actress who was one of the last surviving credited cast members in “Gone With the Wind.”

Died: April 6, 2014 (age 96)

Notable Works: Gone with the Wind (1939); All This, and Heaven Too (1940); The Song of Bernadette (1943); Lifeboat (1944); Wilson (1944); To Each His Own (1946)


WILLIAM EYTHE (APRIL 7)

Actor who was promoted to leading man because of being unable to serve during WWII.

Died: January 26, 1957 (age 39)

Notable Works: The Ox-Bow Incident (1943); The Song of Bernadette (1943); Wilson (1944); Wing and a Prayer (1945); A Royal Scandal (1945); The House on 92nd Street (1945)


MARY HEALY (APRIL 14)

Entertainer who often worked with her husband, Peter Lind Hayes.

Died: February 3, 2015 (age 96)

Notable Works: Star Dust (1940); He Married His Wife (1940); The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. (1953)


WILLIAM HOLDEN (APRIL 17)

Oscar-winning actor who was one of the biggest box-office draws through the 1950s to 1970s.

Birth Name: William Beedle, Jr.

Died: November 12, 1981 (age 63)

Notable Works: Golden Boy (1939); Our Town (1940); I Wanted Wings (1941); Dear Ruth (1947); Sunset Boulevard (1950); Born Yesterday (1950); Stalag 17 (1953-Oscar winner for Best Actor); Sabrina (1954); Picnic (1955); The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957); The Wild Bunch (1969); The Towering Inferno (1974); Network (1976)


ANNE SHIRLEY (APRIL 17)

Former child actress who graduated to adult roles and retired from films at age 26.

Birth Name: Dawn Paris

Died: July 4, 1993 (age 75)

Notable Works: Anne of Green Gables (1934-under name of Dawn O’Day; took name of character after this); Stella Dallas (1937-nominated for Best Supporting Actress); Vigil in the Night (1940); The Devil and Daniel Webster (1941); Murder, My Sweet (1944)


JUNE DUPREZ (MAY 14)

English film actress who had a brief career in Hollywood.

Died: October 30, 1984 (age 66)

Notable Works: The Four Feathers (1939); The Thief of Baghdad (1940); None but the Lonely Heart (1944); And Then There Were None (1945)


JOSEPH WISEMAN (MAY 15)

Canadian film actor who is best known for playing the first Bond villian.

Died: October 19, 2009 (age 91)

Notable Works: Detective Story (1951); Viva Zapata! (1952); Dr. No (1962)


A.C. LYLES (MAY 17)

Producer who spent entire career working at Paramount Pictures.

Birth Name: Andrew Craddock Lyles, Jr.

Died: September 27, 2013 (age 95)


JOHN DALL (MAY 26)

Actor who worked with Bette Davis and Alfred Hitchcock, and starred in iconic film noir.

Birth Name: John Dall Thompson

Died: January 15, 1971 (age 50 or 52-may have been born in 1920)

Notable Works: The Corn is Green (1945-Oscar-nominated for Best Supporting Actor); Rope (1948); Another Part in the Forest (1948); Gun Crazy (1950); Spartacus (1960)


ROBERT PRESTON (JUNE 8)

Actor who originated the role of Harold Hill in The Music Man.

Birth Name: Robert Preston Meservey

Died: March 21, 1987  (age 68)

Notable Works: Union Pacific (1939); Beau Geste (1939); This Gun for Hire (1942); Wake Island (1942); The Music Man (1962); How the West was Won (1963); Victor/Victoria (1982-Oscar nominated for Best Supporting Actor)


JANE BRYAN (JUNE 11)

American actress who retired from films in 1940.

Birth Name: Jane O’Brien

Died: April 8, 2009 (age 90)

Notable Works: Marked Woman (1937); Kid Galahad (1937); Brother Rat (1938); The Old Maid (1939); We Are Not Alone (1939); Invisible Stripes (1939)


BEN JOHNSON (JUNE 13)

Stuntman and rodeo cowboy who transitioned into an actor of Westerns,

Died: April 8, 1996 (age 77)

Notable Works: The Outlaw (1943); Fort Apache (1948-Henry Fonda’s stunt double); Mighty Joe Young (1949); Wagon Master (1950); Shane (1953); Major Dundee (1965); The Last Picture Show (1971-Oscar winner for Best Supporting Actor)


CRAIG STEVENS (JULY 8)

Film actor who successfully transitioned to television.

Birth Name: Gail Shikles, Jr.

Died: May 10, 2000 (age 81)

Notable Works: Dive Bomber (1941); Since You Went Away (1944); Where the Sidewalk Ends (1950); Peter Gunn (1958-1961)


INGMAR BERGMAN (JULY 14)

Swedish filmmaker who became one of the greatest directors of all-time.

Birth Name: Ernst Ingmar Bergman

Died: July 30, 2007 (age 89)

Notable Works: Summer with Monika (1953); The Seventh Seal (1957); Wild Strawberries (1957); The Virgin Spring (1960); Persona (1966); Autumn Sonata (1978); Fanny and Alexander (1982)


ARTHUR LAURENTS (JULY 14)

Oscar-nominated and Tony-winning screenwriter and playwright.

Birth Name: Arthur Levine

Died: May 5, 2011 (age 93)

Notable Works: Rope (1948); Anastasia (1956); The Way We Were (1973); The Turning Point (1977-Oscar nominated for Best Original Screenplay)


MARJORIE LORD (JULY 26)

Television and film actress who became Danny Thomas’s second wife on his television show.

Birth Name: Marjorie Wollenberg

Died: November 25, 2015 (age 97)

Notable Works: The Danny Thomas Show (1957-1964)


TOM DRAKE (AUGUST 5)

Actor best known for a Judy Garland classic.

Birth Name: Alfred Sinclair Alderdice

Died: August 11, 1982 (age 64)

Notable Works: Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)


ROBERT ALDRICH (AUGUST 9)

Film director who was featured in the 2017 FX series “Feud”.

Died: December 5, 1983 (age 65)

Notable Works: Kiss Me Deadly (1955); The Big Knife (1955); What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962); The Dirty Dozen (1967); The Longest Yard (1974)


EVELYN ANKERS (AUGUST 17)

Actress who was known as a “scream queen” during the 1940s.

Died: August 29, 1985 (age 67)

Notable Works: The Wolf Man (1941)


LEONARD BERNSTEIN (AUGUST 25)

American conductor, pianist, and composer whose was among the first US composers to receive worldwide acclaim.

Birth Name: Louis Bernstein

Died: October 14, 1990 (age 72)

Notable Works: On the Waterfront (1954); West Side Story (1961)


RICHARD GREENE (AUGUST 25)

English actor who had a brief Hollywood career and is best remembered for playing Robin Hood during the 1950s.

Died: June 1, 1985

Notable Works: Four Men and a Prayer (1938); The Little Princess (1939); Stanley and Livingstone (1939); Forever Amber (1947); The Adventures of Robin Hood (1955-59)


ALAN JAY LERNER (AUGUST 31)

Oscar and Tony-winning lyricist who won three awards for each.

Died: June 14, 1986

Notable Works: An American in Paris (1951-Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay); Royal Wedding (1951); Gigi (1958-Oscar winner for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Original Song); My Fair Lady (1964)


DICK HAYMES (SEPTEMBER 13)

Argentine-born singer who enjoyed a brief Hollywood career.

Died: March 28, 1980 (age 61)

Notable Works: State Fair (1945); One Touch of Venus (1948)


RAND BROOKS (SEPTEMBER 21)

Actor best known as Scarlett O’Hara’s first husband in “Gone with the Wind.”

Died: September 1, 2003 (age 84)

Notable Works: Gone with the Wind (1939)


ARNOLD STANG (SEPTEMBER 28)

Comic and voice actor who was the voice of “Top Cat” and the “Honey Nut Cheerios Bee.”

Died: December 20, 2009 (age 91)

Notable Works: The Man with the Golden Arm (1955); Texaco Star Theatre (1953-56); It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963)


LILA KEDROVA (OCTOBER 6)

Oscar-winning and Tony-winning actress for the same role.

Died: February 16, 2000 (age 81-maybe)

Notable Works: Zorba the Greek (1964-Oscar winner for Best Supporting Actress); Torn Curtain (1966); Penelope (1966)


JEROME ROBBINS (OCTOBER 11)

Famous choreographer, director, dancer, and theatrical producer who was a five-time Tony award winner.

Birth Name: Jerome Wilson Rabinowitz

Died: July 29, 1998 (age 79)

Notable Works: West Side Story (1961-Oscar winner for Best Director; shared with Robert Wise)


ROBERT WALKER (OCTOBER 13)

Actor whose career was cut short by his untimely death.

Died: August 28, 1951 (age 32)

Notable Works: Bataan (1943); Madame Curie (1943); Since You Went Away (1944); Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo (1944); See Here, Private Hargrove (1944); The Clock (1945); Strangers on a Train (1951)


RITA HAYWORTH (OCTOBER 17)

Latina actress and dancer who coined “The Love Goddess” by the press and was one of the top pin-up girls during WWII.

Birth Name: Margarita Carmen Cansino

Died: May 14, 1987 (age 68)

Notable Works: Only Angels Have Wings (1939); The Strawberry Blonde (1941); Blood and Sand (1941); You’ll Never Get Rich (1941); You Were Never Lovelier (1942); Cover Girl (1944); Gilda (1946); The Lady from Shanghai (1947); Separate Tables (1958)


TERESA WRIGHT (OCTOBER 27)

Actress who is the only person who was Oscar nominated for her first three films.

Birth Name: Muriel Teresa Wright

Died: March 6, 2005 (age 86)

Notable Works: The Little Foxes (1941-Oscar nominated for Best Supporting Actress); The Pride of the Yankees (1942-Oscar nominated for Best Actress); Mrs. Miniver (1942-Oscar winner for Best Supporting Actress); Shadow of a Doubt (1943); The Best Years of Our Lives (1946); The Men (1950)


DIANA SERRA CARY AKA “BABY PEGGY” (OCTOBER 29)

Child actress who is the last living star of the silent era.

Birth Name: Peggy-Jean Montgomery

Notable Works: The Darling of New York (1923); Captain January (1924)


ART CARNEY (NOVEMBER 4)

Actor best known for playing “Ed Norton” on the sitcom “The Honeymooners.”

Died: November 9, 2003 (age 85)

Notable Works: The Honeymooners (1955-56); Harry and Tonto (1974-Oscar winner for Best Actor)


CAMERON MITCHELL (NOVEMBER 4)

Actor who worked with John Wayne, Doris Day, and Lauren Bacall.

Birth Name: Cameron McDowell Mitzell

Died: July 7, 1994 (age 75)

Notable Works: They Were Expendable (1945); Death of a Salesman (1951); How to Marry a Millionaire (1953); Love Me or Leave Me (1955); Carosuel (1956); All Mine to Give (1957); Blood and Black Lace (1960)


STUBBY KAYE (NOVEMBER  11)

 

Birth Name: Bernard Solomon Kotzin

Died: December 14, 1997 (age 79)

Notable Works: Guys and Dolls (1955); Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1989)


EFREM ZIMBALIST, JR. (NOVEMBER 30)

Film and televison actor.

Died: May 2, 2014 (age 95)

Notable Works: House of Strangers (1949); 77 Sunset Strip (1957-1964); The Chapman Report (1962); The F.B.I. (1964-1974); Wait Until Dark (1967)


JEFF CHANDLER (DECEMBER 15)

Silver-haired actor who was one of Universal’s most popular stars during the 1950s.

Birth Name: Ira Grossel

Died: June 17, 1961 (age 42)

Notable Works: Broken Arrow (1950-Oscar nominated for Best Supporting Actor); Flame of Araby (1951); Female on the Beach (1955)


VIRGINIA DAVIS (DECEMBER 31)

Child actress who was one of Walt Disney’s first stars.

Died: August 15, 2009 (age 90)

 

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THE BEST SEGMENT FROM EACH SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XXII-XXVIII

Treehouse of Horror XXII

Segments

Best Segment: NONE OF THEM.

Quotes: Forget it.  WORST.  TREEHOUSE OF HORROR.  EVER!

 


Treehouse of Horror XXIII

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Best Segment

Quotes

Homer: We have stairs?!

Lisa: (scared after one of the ghost attacks) Why is this happening to us?
Marge: (nervous) I don’t know! I don’t know! I’m sure I don’t know!
Homer: Oh sweetie, sometimes mysterious invisible being from hell waits for a family to go to sleep and kills them. Now go to bed.
Lisa: But…
Homer: E-eh! School night!

Pope Homer: Crush them! In the name of the Jebus!

Visual Gags


Treehouse of Horror XXIV

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Best Segment

Quotes

Abe: You should not be here while their mother’s away!
Homer: And you should be dead, you’re so wrinkled and gray!
Abe: I’ll give you the business, you yellow sea cow! This go-getting oldster will… Where am I now?

Ralph: That was gonna be my show-and-tell!

Moe: Hey, torso!
Barney: Huh?
Moe: What’s with the cookies? Even the human snail would’ve been done by now.
Comic Book Guy: I am so sick and tired of people assuming that the human snail is, in some way, slow. Good day!

Moe: Excuse me, ma’am, but, uh, I ain’t never seen a normal stand up for us.
Marge: (sighs) I, too, am a freak. One eye is blue, and the other a pale brown.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XXV

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Quotes

Demon School Girl: Red dress. How original.
Lisa: Making fun of someone’s clothes. How original.
Demon School Girl: Wow. You wanna walk with us? (snow starts falling in the middle of the hallway)
Lisa: It’s true. It would be a cold day in hell when I was popular.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XXVI

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Moe: [raises his fist in anger] Ha! I still refuse to admit the old man was right! [the monster’s fire breath incinerates him to a skeleton] Legitimate difference of opinion. [one more fire breath reduces him to ashes]

Kang: Just ’cause it looks like Season 4 doesn’t MAKE it Season 4!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XXVII

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Best Segment

Quotes

(Sideshow Bob gets out from behind a tree)
The Simpsons: Aah!! Sideshow Bob!
(Kang or Kodos gets out from behind a tree)
The Simpsons: Aah!! one of you, guys!
(The ghost of Frank Grimes emerges from the ground)
Marge, Bart and Lisa: Frank Grimes?
Homer: Who?
Frank Grimes: I’m the guy who hated you. Hated you! Died from my hatred of you!!
Homer: (giggles) Good old Grimey.

Frank Grimes: Will nobody stop these people? (clips from all previous episodes appear and a counter goes from 1 to 600). Wow. In Hell they make you watch them all in a row!

Seymour Skinner: Welcome, children! The Games will begin in ten seconds! Do not step off your pedestals before…
Ralph: Before what? (explosion) Wee!!

Ralph: I’m a god in this reality!

Lisa: (crying at Janey’s funeral) Why? Why did my best friend have to die!? (sobs) I mean, it’s a great college essay, but it’s not worth it.

Rev. Lovejoy: We now bury Sherri and Terri, survived by their brothers, Jerry and Larry, and their father and mother, Barry and Mary. And now some light remarks by comedian Drew Carey.

Chief Wiggum: Lisa Simpson, you are the prime suspect in the murders of two normals and a twin set!

Lisa: Come on, we got to save Mom!!
Bart: Come on, imagine a motorcycle to get us out of here!!
Lisa: My imagination isn’t that powerful.
Bart: You imagined a girl that’s killing everyone in town!
Lisa: Good point.

Lenny: So, how did things go in Prague?
Carl: Oh, quite well. I “canceled” a few Czechs.

Moe: Of course. Remoh spelled backwards is Homer!
Homer: It is!? Uh… I mean, it’s intentional.

Visual Gags


Treehouse of Horror XXVIII

Segments

Best Segment

Homer ATE HIMSELF…TO DEATH.  He was so lazy that he couldn’t go to the grocery or eat out or order pizza!

Quotes

Marge: Maggie, sweetie. You should be in bed.
[Maggie is revealed to be possessed by Pazuzu]
Maggie: No one leaves alive!
Marge: Ooooh, her first words!

Dr. Hibbert: Someone’s starting their terrible twos.
Maggie: Someone’s having an affair with his nurse!

Priest: Well, if you can’t trust a Catholic Priest with a child, who can you trust?

Lisa: So, anyone wanna pick up litter at the park today? How ’bout you, Maggie?
Marge: She’s still got a touch of Pazuzu.

Marge: How can you be so carefree? I bore both those children.
Homer: Marge, I don’t listen to a lot of your stories, but I wouldn’t call them boring.

Choir: Hey you ate you!  Yes you ate you!

Homer: Do you have any spaghetti with my balls? Uh, meatballs?

Ned: Are you eating forbidden fruit?
Homer: [disgusted] Fruit? Ugh!

Mario Batali: He wanted to me to pass on these final words. “I’ve failed as a man, but I’ve succeeded as an ingredient.”
Bart: I call the brain!

Visual Gags

THE BEST SEGMENT FROM EACH SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XV-XXI

Treehouse of Horror XV

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Best Segment

Quotes

Lisa: If you must kill our dad, remember the family motto: not in the face.

Ned: Homer, stay away from the nuclear plant.
Homer: Fine, I’ll never go back… starting tomorrow. Today is Lenny’s birthday and they’re having ice cream cake.
Ned: B-B-B-But you’ll kill us all!
Homer: But ice cream cake!

Ned: Homer, do not press the core destruct button!
Transmitted into the booth: Homer, (Static) press (Static) Destruct button!
Homer: Okay.
Ned: Don’t do it! You’ll kill everyone!
Transmitted: (Static) Do it! (Static) Kill everyone!

Ned: Homer! Fall backward! (Homer walks backwards and dies outside the button)
Ned: Phew!
(Homer turns on to his back and dies)
Ned: Phew!
(Homer’s tongue comes out and hits the button)
Ned: Oh, you stupid son of a…… (town explodes)

Otto: (throw by Homer) Opium Rules!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XVI

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Announcer: It’s the sixth game in the world series, and the current highlights is a cloud shaped like a giraffe that floated by during the rain delay. Oh, would you look at that? The batter just called timeout again! Now let’s look in the stands with the player’s wives. Oh, what do you know! They’re talking on cell phones. No doubt complaining about the good life.
Kang: This is the most boring game in all the universe!
Kodos: And with all the steroids they take the players look like freaks!
Both: Freaks! Freaks! [A small miniature version of Kodos’ head appears on Kodos’ neck]
Mini Kodos: Freaks! Freaks! Freaks! [Kodos bites it off and eats it]

Kodos: [after the fabric of the universe shatters] Smooth move, space lax! You’ve destroyed the totality of existence!

Kang: It’ll be fine. I’ll just leave a note.

Homer: This stinks! I’ve got stubby little robot legs and an ass that’s not equipped for an adult diet!

Bart: No fair! Dad gets to kill wild animals, but I shoot one bird and I have to go to a psychiatrist!
Marge: He still thinks that hobo was a bird.

Rabbit Apu: Ha, ha! You can’t kill a Hindu! (his foreleg gets caught in a bear trap) Ah! Help me, Jesus!

Terry Bradshaw: Well, conventional wisdom says, “Good fleeing will always mean good chasing”. BUT the stats say “Put your money on the guy with the gun!”

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XVII

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Marge: Homer! You won’t eat my stuffed peppers, but you’ll eat our son?

Squeaky Voiced Teen: (screaming) Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!
Homer: No!

Grandpa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
Grandpa: Oh, you’ll see!

Mayor Quimby: We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XVIII

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Homer: Come on, you guys! We’ll miss the dissection!
Kodos: Actually, I’m still alive, so technically it’s vivisection.
Homer: Nobody wants a know it all.

Homer: (thinking) It’s poison, whatever you do don’t eat it.
(Homer eats it)
Homer: (thinking) Okay you ate it but don’t finish it.
(Homer finishes it.)
Homer: (thinking) Okay but don’t ask for…
Homer: Seconds please.
Homer: (thinking) You moron just kill her.
Homer: I’ll kill her after dessert!

Marge: All this time I thought you were out getting drunk, you were killing people?
Homer: I was getting drunk, then killing people!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XIX

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Best Segment

Quotes

Groundskeeper Willie: (holds out a tray of toasted pumpkin seeds) Care for a pumpkin seed?
Grand Pumpkin: You roast the unborn?!? (eats Willie whole) AAAAH!!!

Nelson: (to the Grand Pumpkin, holding a yellow pumpkin) Touch me and I’ll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That’s a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: You’re a racist!
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is that I admit it. (starts eating Nelson)
Nelson: I’d rather die than hate!

Grand Pumpkin: Pumpkin segregation forever!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XX

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Best Segment

Quotes

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: As a vegetarian, I did not eat any tainted burgers. And as a convenience store owner, I’m armed to the teeth.

Marge: Homie, where have you been?
(Homer speaks muncher-like)
Lisa: Dad, are you becoming a muncher?
Muncher Homer: I think the better brains is, are you brains are brains, Blarrrgh!
(Bart points a shot gun at Homer)
Bart: Where do you want it, the mouth or the eyes?
Muncher Homer: Oooh! Mouth.
Bart: Eyes it is!

Stranger: Safe Zone? You really think this is Safe Zone? *laughs* Well, yeah, you’re right. It’s right over there.
Soldier: Welcome, son. To survive, all we must do is eat your flesh.
Marge: Hold it right there, bub. What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior? (Rev. Lovejoy gets nervous)

Lisa: Time has passed. Children play in the streets. At night, there is music and laughter. And all we had to do was let Bart take a bath in our food.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XXI

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Professor Frink: Oh! I went too far! Spoiled the whole show for everybody. I don’t deserve to wield the remote.

Visual gags

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THE BEST SEGMENT FROM EACH SIMPSON’S TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VIII-XIV

 

Treehouse of Horror VIII

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Comic Book Guy: Oooh, I’ve wasted my life.

Lenny: C’mon we just want to eat your skin.

Homer: Marge, kids, you’re alive!
Lisa: All the layers of lead paint in this house made it the perfect bomb shelter!

Ned: We can all work together to build a Utopian society, free of violence, hate, and prejudice!
Marge: That sounds beautiful, Ned. And let me just say my family and I share your vision for a better- Now!
(Marge and the kids pull out shotguns and shoot the mutants, leaving them in a pile.)
Marge: Friends with mutants, right!
Homer: Now, that’s the Marge I married! So, who wants to steal some Ferraris?!
Bart, Lisa, & Marge: Ooh me! I do! I do!

Lisa: He’s trying to kill me!

Homer: Nobody likes a tattletale, Lisa.

Bart: Well I’ll be a son of a witch!
Witch Marge: That’s right, I’m a witch! And I’m the one who withered your livestock, soured your sheep’s milk, and your made your shirts itchy!
Farmer Lenny: Hey! You destroyed my turnip crop!
Witch Marge: No, that was gophers.
Witchhunter Wiggum: That’s impossible. I thought we burned all of the gophers!
Witch Marge: Not all of them!
(Turns Wiggum into a giant gopher)

Maude: Oh, Neddy. Look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to commit wanton acts of carnality.
Ned: (Under his breath) Yeah, that’ll be the day.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror IX

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Lisa: Of course! The transplant. Somehow Snake’s hair must be controlling…
Marge: Oh please, Lisa, everyone’s already figured that out.

Bart: You’ve got to fight the hair, dad.
Homer: But I look so youthful and hunky.
Snake: (possessing Homer) The kid’s gotta die.
Homer: But I love my son.
Snake: More than a lush head of hair?
Homer: Don’t make me choose!

Homer: (after watching Bart and Lisa on TV) Oooh, how are Bart and Lisa gonna get out of this one?

Regis Philbin: My eyes, my beautiful eyes!

Marge: Homer, do something! The ceiling’s not a safe place for a young baby.

Homer: Eh, all right, I got it. [gets a broom and tries to poke Maggie off the ceiling] Come on, get off the… [Maggie grabs the handle with her free tentacles and swings Homer back and forth across the room] Bad baby! Oh, she’s entering the terrible two’s, all right.

Homer: (to Dr. Hibbert) Is there anything you can prescribe, doctor?
Dr. Hibbert: Fire! And lots of it!
Marge: Hmm, that’s your cure for everything!

Maggie: Very well then. I’ll drive! [laughs menacingly as the episode ends] I need blood.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror X

Segments

Best Segment

Scared me as a kid.

Quotes

Marge: Homer, did you remember the fog lights?
Homer (singing): Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in!

Homer: Okay, Marge, you hide in the abandoned amusement park. Lisa, the pet cemetery. Bart, spooky roller disco and I’ll go skinny dipping in that lake where the sexy teens were killed 100 years ago tonight.

Guard: (To Lisa) Welcome aboard. Now, before you enter, you’re going to make a very difficult choice. You’re only allowed to take one parent with yo-
Lisa: Mom.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XI

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Homer: That horoscope was bologna. Nothing happened except the pick-ax in my head, the rattlesnake bite, and the testicle thing.

Bart: (after a rat bites him) Oh, I just got over the plague.

Marge: Husband, without your weekly penitence, how shall we feed our children?
Homer: Don’t worry. No child will ever starve in my home.
[Later, Homer throws Bart and Lisa into the deep dark woods]
Homer: So long, kids! Enjoy your new home. Say hi to your other brother and sister.
Bart: Other brother and sister?
[Bart and Lisa see skeletons that resemble them and scream together]
Lisa: Face it, they’re not great parents.

Mayor Quimby: We’re all frightened and horny, but we can’t let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

Homer: Hey, you got to hand it to those dolphins. They just wanted it more.
Lisa: I kind of wish I hadn’t freed their leader and, you know, doomed mankind.
Marge: Oh, honey I wouldn’t say same doomed. It’s going to be an adjustment, no question.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XII

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Neighborhood Lady: Cholera! I got cholera!

Marge: The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I’m not the hairiest woman here.
Homer: Yep. Everything worked out for the best.
Marge: What?! Bart is dead!
Homer: Well, me saying I’m sorry won’t bring him back.
Marge: The Gypsy said it would.
Homer: [stubbornly] She’s not the boss of me.

Marge: Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?
Ultrahouse: Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?
[Marge giggles.]
Ultrahouse: No, I’m asking.
Marge: Oh… uh… Not a very good one?
Ultrahouse: Damn straight.

Mrs. Krabappel: Sloppy work as usual. Lisa’s casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you’ve sinned against nature.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XIII

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Kent Brockman: Like comedy clubs in the late ’80s, these ravenous clones are everywhere. They destroyed every building in town except Moe’s Tavern, which is reporting record business.

Moe: All right, who’s paying the tab?
Homer Clones: LENNY!
Lenny: Anything for Homers.

Marge: The horde is almost dead! There’s still some writhing and twitching, but that should stop by morning.
Homer Clone: Good news.
Marge: Mmm, [kisses the Homer Clone] One handsome hubby is all I need. [continues kissing the clone, then gasps in shock] No belly button? You’re a clone! Then the real Homer…
Homer Clone: First over cliff.
Marge: [gasps] My Homie is dead? How will I go on?
Homer Clone: You like back rubs?
Marge: Oh well.

Homer: Maggie! (Lisa as an owl grabs Maggie) Lisa! (Homer captures Lisa and set Maggie free)
Lisa: We were just playing.
Homer: What game?
Lisa: Let’s eat Maggie?

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror XIV

Segments

Best Segment

Quotes

Lisa: Dad! You’ve become the new Grim Reaper!
Homer: No way, forget it. I might occasionally kill out of anger, or to illustrate a point. But I am not a Grim Reaper! (the robe sucks in his groin) Ow! Ow! I’ll reap! I’ll reap already!

God: Wait a minute! This isn’t Marge! It’s her fat sister, Selma!
Homer: It’s Patty, CHUMP!

Agnes Skinner: Lost your spine huh? You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.

Visual Gags

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THE BEST SEGMENT FROM EACH SIMPSON’S TREEHOUSE OF HORROR I-VII

Every year since 1990, The Simpsons has aired a Halloween episode each October (and for about a decade in early November-thank World Series).  The writers abandon all realism in favor of scares and laughs.  Here’s what I believe are the best segments from all the Treehouse series.  I only chose one segment from each special because I would be writing forever if I reviewed each segment.  However, I will include memorable quotes and visual gags from most segments in order of airing.

Let’s get this started!  Halloween is winding down!

Treehouse of Horror I

The first Treehouse of Horror and the only one to be set in the treehouse.  In this installment, Bart and Lisa try to outdo each other with scary stories with Homer listening below.

Segments

Best Segment

James Earl Jones (who voices a mover and a narrates Poe’s famous poem with Homer as the man tormented by a raven who looks like Bart.  Would you believe this segment caused students to become interested in Poe’s work?

Quotes

Evil Spirit: They are all against you, Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die.

Bart: Are you my conscience?

Evil Spirit: I… Yes, I am.

Homer: Mr. Ploot, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn’t tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground!  No, you didn’t!  Well, that’s not my recollection! Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye!

Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.

Lisa: It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can’t help but feel a little rejected.

Marge: Well, thank you very much, Mr.—

Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue. 

Homer: Listen, you big, stupid space creature, nobody, but nobody, eats the Simpsons!

 

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror II

Lisa, Bart and Homer have nightmares after eating too much candy on Halloween.  The titles of each segment are The Monkey’s Paw (Lisa’s nightmare), The Bart Zone (Bart’s Nightmare), and If I Only had a Brain (Homer’s nightmare).

Segments

Best Segment

Based off a Twilight Zone episode “It’s a Good Life”, Bart has the ability to bend reality with his mind, read someone’s mind, and can turn anyone who says anything bad about him into anything he wants.  It’s filled with a lot of great gags and has a hilarious ending that makes sense in 10-year-old Bart’s mind.

Quotes

Marge: Homer, where’d you get the monkey’s paw?
Homer: I got it from the stand…over..there. (points to an empty space. A gust of wind is blowing sand around)
Homer: Oh, wait. It’s over there.
Merchant: You will be sorry.

Homer: I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and… I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)… Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry… THE TURKEY’S A LITTLE DRY!!!

Kang: That board with a nail in it may have defeated us, but the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards and bigger nails. Soon they’ll make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all!

Mrs. Krabappel: Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart’s answers on yesterday’s test. America was now discovered in 1942 by… ”some guy.” And our country isn’t called America any more. It’s Bonerland.

Football announcer: The kick is up…it’s looking good…The ball is turning into a fat bald guy! (f) And it’s no good, and you know what we say every time something strange happens, it’s good that Bart did that, it’s very good!

Krusty: Well, we’re still on. 346 consecutive hours. And all because of one little boy who…WHO WON’T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let’s go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!

Audience YAY!

Mr. Burns: Have trouble breathing… organs leaking vital fluids… Smithers… I am going to die.

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror III

The Simpsons host a Halloween party for Bart and Lisa’s friends.  After Homer eats a Halloween activity, Lisa, Abe, and Bart tell scary stories to the group.

Segments

Best Segment

This was a tough one for me, but by a hair, I chose Treehouse III’s final segment as it has a better overall story.  The first segment is extremely quotable and introduced the world to frogurt.

Quotes

 (Bart opens Grampa’s gift, a box of cash)
Marge: Where’d you get all the money?
Grampa: The government. I didn’t earn it, I don’t need it, but if they miss one payment I’ll raise hell.

Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to trade… We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call “frogurt”.
Homer: Yeah, well I need something for my son’s birthday.
Shopkeeper: Ah… Perhaps this will please the gentleman…
(The shopkeeper reaches the shelf and takes the Krusty doll.)
Shopkeeper: Take this object… But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that’s bad…
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That’s bad…
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
(Homer stares at the shopkeeper.)
Shopkeeper: That’s bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Grampa: That doll is evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!

Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.

Grampa:I just want attention.

               Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

Homer: The doll’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughin’ at me!

Repairman: Yep, here’s your problem. Someone set this thing to “Evil.”

               Burns: What do you think, Smithers?

               Smithers: I think women and seamen don’t mix.

               Burns: We know what you think.

Carl: Hey, I heard we’re goin’ to Ape Island.

Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.

Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?

Carl: Apes. But they’re not so big.

Bart: Nice try, Mr. Flanders. But I’ve got a story so scary you’ll wet your pants!
Grampa: Too late.

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car’s okay?
Lisa and Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Bart: Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?

Homer[while attacking the zombies] Take that, Washington! Eat lead, Einstein! Show’s over, Shakespeare!

Shakespeare: Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror IV

Bart hosts this year’s installment, but Marge and Maggie keep interrupting him as he tries to introduce the three segments.  This is one of the best overall Halloween episodes, along with the next installment.

Segments

Best Segment

I’m going with the middle segment because this one scared the crap out of me as a child.  Something about that gremlin just freaks me out.

Quotes

Homer: Flanders?! You’re the devil?!

Devil FlandersIt’s always the one you least expect.

Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for–(Homer has already scarfed all but a small crumb of the donut)

Homer: Hey, wait. If I don’t finish this last bite, you don’t get my soul, do you?

Devil Flanders: Uh, technically no, but–

Homer(singing) I’m smarter than the Devil. I’m smarter than the Dev–(Flanders turns into a huge demon)

Devil FlandersYOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN THE DEVIL!  I’ll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson!

Bart: I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.

SkinnerHello, Simpson.  I’m riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone.  She was right to do it.

Homer: It sure was nice of Mr. Burns to invite us for a midnight dinner at his country house in…Pennsylvania!

Vampire Burns(On the intercom) Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead!

Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.

Vampire Burns: Oh son of a bi–

Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you before not to bite your sister? Hey, wait a minute! You are a vampire!

Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!

Marge: How did you know he’s a vampire?

Grampa: He’s a vampire? (runs off screaming)

Marge: Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he’s drinking people’s blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror V

This is arguably the best Treehouse of Horror ever.  After critics blasted the show for being too scary, the show decided to up the ante.  Groundskeeper Willie gets an ax in the back three times.

Segments

Best Segment

This is considered the best Halloween short in Treehouse history.  It is very scary and hysterical. No TV and no beer would make Homer go crazy. Also, the ending has freaked me out for years.

Quotes

Marge: Oh my! It seems the show is so scary that Congress won’t even let us show it. Instead they suggested the 1947 classic Glenn Ford movie, “200 Miles to Oregon”. (not a real movie)

Burns: Hmmmm… that’s odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor.

Burns: Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter’s work out of those low-lifes.

Smithers: Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?

Burns: Hmm… perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone’s slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.

Willie:  Boy…you read my thoughts! You’ve got the Shinning.
Bart: You mean “Shining”.
Willie: Shh! You want to get sued?

Marge: You stay here until you’re no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight.

Moe: Homer? It’s Moe. Listen, some of the other ghouls and I are a little concerned the project isn’t moving forward.

Homer: Can’t murder now. Eating.

Homer: (Homer chops into a room) Heeeere’s Johnny!(camera pulls back to reveal empty room)D’oh!

(chops into another room)

Homer: Daaaaavid Letterman!

Grampa: Hi David, I’m Grampa.Homer: D’oh!

(chops down another door)

Homer: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I’m Mike Wallace, I’m Morley Safer, and I’m Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on “60 Minutes”!

FamilyAAAAHHH!!!

Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret Lover.

Homer: Wow. I’m the first non-Brazilian person to travel backwards through time

Homer: I’ve gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren’t just confined to zoos! OK, don’t panic; remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day.

Grampa: If you ever travel back in time, don’t step on anything, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can’t imagine.

Homer: Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan… whoo hoo! I hit the jackpotMarge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?

Marge: Donut? What’s a donut?( Homer screams and runs downstairs and disappears back into time; outside the window, donuts start falling from the sky)

Marge: Hmm… it’s raining again.

Maggie: This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Skinner: A powder keg of unacceptable behavior.

Jimbo: It’s hard to scrub this giant pot from the inside when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me.

Willie: Ugh, I’m bad at this.

Skinner:  I’m going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes… I believe I’ll start as you’ve so often suggested by eating your shorts…

Homer: Stupid cheap weather stripping!

Simpson Family (& Willie) singing: The family dog is eyeing Bart’s intestine!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror VI

Segments

Best Segment

Another segment that scared me as a kid.  Willie is the perfect Freddy Krueger and we were introduced to the month of Smarch.

Quotes

Homer: I paid for a colossal doughnut, and I’m gonna get a colossal doughnut!

Chief Wiggum: (after he shot what he thought was a monster) Eh, they’re not so tough.

Lou: Um… Chief, that wasn’t a monster; that was the captain of the high school basketball team.

Chief Wiggum: Uh, yeah… Well, he was turning into a monster… Yeah.

Skinner: Wheel him out quietly.  It’s best the children don’t see.  (Sheet falls to reveal Martin’s dead body).

Kids: AAAAAHHHH!!!

SkinnerJust get him out of here!  Not into the kindergarten!

Kindergarteners: AAAAAHHHH!!!

Homer: Oh, lousy Smarch weather. 

Groundskeeper Willie: (looking like a skeleton) You’ll pay for this…with your children’s blood!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, right. How are you going to get them? Skeleton power?

Groundskeeper Willie: I’ll strike where you cannot protect them… in their dreams!

Homer: Hello? Can anybody hear me?

Marge: Homer, where are you?

Homer: I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!

Marge: Do you see towels? If you see towels, you’re probably in the linen closet again.

Homer: Just a second! No

Chief Wiggum: Take that, you lousy dimension!

Visual Gags

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Treehouse of Horror VII

Segments

Best Segment

This segment is still relevant today.  All you have to do is switch out the names of the candidates.

Quotes

Dr. Hibbert: But what to do about poor Hugo?  Too crazy for Boy’s Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town!  The child was an outcast!  So, we did the only humane thing.

Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.

Marge: It’s saved our marriage.

Bart: You’re crazy!

Hugo: Am I? Well, perhaps we’re all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart, but I’ll be sane… once I sew us back together.

Bart: But you’ll kill both of us.

Hugo: No, it’s easy. Look, I’ve been practicing: I made a pigeon-rat.

Dr. Hibbert: That means the evil twin is and always has been…Bart.  (They all turn around and stare at Bart.)

Bart: Oh, don’t look so shocked.

Lisa: I’ve created Lutherans!

Kang: Abortions for all!

Crowd: Boo!!!!

Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!

Crowd: Boo!!!!

KangAbortions for some!  Miniature American flags for others!

Crowd: Yay!!!!!

Kang: It does not matter which way you vote.  Either way your planet is doomed! DOOMED!

Kodos: My fellow Americans.  As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

Kodos: It’s a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!

Man: He’s right, this is a two-party system.

Man 2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate.

Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.

Homer: Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Visual Gags

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31 DAYS OF OSCAR: THE BEST OF THE T’S

Before we start with the S’s, what the hell happened at the Oscars Sunday night?!!!

 

The Thin Man (1934)

Drink some martinis with Nick and Nora Charles while watching the first of the six film series.


The Third Man (1949)

 

Watch Orson Welles steal the film with less than 20 minutes of screentime.


To Be or Not to Be (1942)

 

Carole Lombard’s final role.   What could have been.


Top Hat (1935)

One of the best of the Astaire-Rogers musicals.


The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1942)

Watch Bogie go mad with greed.


12 Angry Men (1957)

Henry Fonda’s only production credit.