Where in the World is…Jon Stewart?: Impersonating Geraldo Rivera!; Dancing like Patrick Swayze!; Jazzing it up!

Only Story Worth Mentioning: Detroit has filed for bankruptcy.  I’m just kidding, HRH Prince George has arrived!!!

Detroit’s New Reality: It is now faster to get a pizza from Domino’s than it is to get a cop to your house.

Who May Save Detroit: Howdy Doody

What Happens if Edward Snowden Stays in Russia:  Don’t stay in Russia, dude-Putin is watching you.  I repeat, do NOT stay in Russia!

Cap’n Crunch’s Drunk Uncle: The town crier announcing the birth of the royal son.

Apparently Needs to be Said: Get out of that woman’s delivery room, CNN!!!

Apparently Not a Big Deal in England: There was a horse in a pub.

Great or Greatest Intertitle: On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix

Prince George is Registered At: Toddlers and Tiaras

Uses Any Excuse to Throw a Party: England

This is Not Happening Again!!: Anthony Weiner has another selfie of his penis (and this time it’s not covered by underwear)

Great or Greatest Name Ever: CARLOS DANGER!!!

Who Understands This Goldman Sachs Aluminum Scandal: An eight-year-old

Extended Interviews: Two

Wanted for Congress in 2014: Assholes (reasonable and apparently sane people need not apply)




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s